If you want a masterclass in irony, look no further than the current state of Silicon Valley's elite.

A new book set to be released next week, Regime Change by NYT reporters Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan, has leaked some absolutely hilarious details about the frantic back-channeling that happened right after the 2024 US Election.

Apparently, the moment Donald Trump secured his return to the White House, the titans of tech—the very people who spent years posturing as the enlightened saviors of modern democracy—sprinted to Mar-a-Lago to kiss the ring. And the best part? Trump took their frantic apologies, smiled to their faces, and then mercilessly mocked them behind their backs.

I have absolutely no sorrow for this country or its tech overlords. They built this machine, and now they are crying that it is driving over them.

The Cringe of the Century

Let’s look at the absolute state of these "alpha" billionaires, starting with Meta's Mark Zuckerberg.

According to the reports, Zuckerberg was so desperate to curry favor that he sent Trump a text message containing a photo of a handwritten note from one of his young children. The note reportedly stated that the kid was looking forward to the "golden age of America"—which, not coincidentally, was Trump’s exact campaign slogan.

It is a level of sycophancy that would make a medieval court jester blush.

How did Trump reward this touching family outreach? By showing the text messages to his other guests to make fun of Zuckerberg. At one point, Trump reportedly played the national anthem for Zuckerberg, specifically the version sung by the "J6 Prison Choir".

Then we have Jeff Bezos. The Amazon founder and owner of The Washington Post had dinner with Trump shortly after the election. How do you break the ice with a man who has repeatedly attacked your newspaper? According to the book, Bezos essentially threw his own editorial staff under the bus. He complained to Trump that the Post was a terrible financial investment, agreed with Trump's criticisms of the paper, and claimed his journalists "wouldn't listen". He then followed up by sending the President selfies of himself and his fiancée.

Even Elon Musk, who was present for some of these conversations, reportedly described the efforts of his fellow tech CEOs as "first-class groveling".

The Ultimate Punchline

Trump’s private assessment of the situation was blunt but entirely accurate. He reportedly told his entourage: "Think of where these guys were in 2016. They hated me. They were doing everything they could to knock me down. And look at them now".

He is not wrong.

These tech platforms spent a decade optimizing their algorithms for maximum engagement, outrage, and polarization because it drove massive ad revenue. They created the exact digital ecosystem that made a populist 2024 victory inevitable. They are the architects of the modern political landscape.

And yet, despite all their billions, their server farms, and their data monopolies, they immediately folded the second the election was called. They didn't stand by their supposed corporate values; they grabbed their phones, drafted pathetic text messages, and begged for a seat at the table.

So, no, I don't feel sorry for them getting humiliated. When you spend years building a hyper-polarized outrage machine for profit, you don't get to complain when you eventually have to bow to the guy who knows how to drive it best.